Dear Hoot,
It’s not hard to see reconstituting myself as difficult given the multiplicity of roles I’ve played over the years and the absence today of the obligations that those roles imposed. Almost every episode in my life contained several, sometimes overlapping, each offering its own activities intrinsic to that role, social definitions of and labels for it, narratives that could be constructed around it, with associated purposes, larger goals, and specific activities to constitute an actual being-in-action. As a function of each role there was automatic membership in some larger community and automatic differentiation from others, all serving to define the “self“. There are aspects of self that emerge sometimes so powerfully as to exceed social definition as the driving force. Think of van Gogh and Picasso and, for that matter, of any artist who expands the limits of what “self” can be, but in these lives, there was not the multiplicity of roles and concomitant demands of each.
Why should there be any problem in reconstituting self today? Well, along with the many roles, professor, architect, husband, father, Dean, housemaster, there were widely varying, sometimes competing agendas and priorities. And there were the inevitable distractions and even delusions. The opportunities of some roles and the limitation of others invited deeper engagement or escape resulting in trade-offs and competition among alternative courses of action. At best there was some measure of success; at worst turmoil and confusion sometimes leading to self-destructive behavior. However, this was the complex life I – and so many others led. And that is not my life today.
By restricting the range and types of action and especially interaction, the plague has simplified the world of opportunity. Most ruthlessly it has drastically reduced the number and type of socially defined roles I play and might play. Of course, age and the fact of retirement are critical factors as well. The combination is brutal. Restrictions derive, though, not just from the combination of these factors but from the lack of models for self-development in my highly structured career. And there is no set of external circumstances comparable to this plague in my lifetime except, perhaps, WWII; but even then the threat was neither immanent nor personal, daily life was not so disrupted, and I was very young, taking great pleasure in the identification of airplanes and walking in the woods. Hoot, I remember hearing you there!
best,
Aaltoe
Aaltoe's Blog 
May 10, 2020 at 7:51 pm |
To Bill and Hoot,
The plague and accompanying losses have not left our lives simplified but rather have made them more challenging and complicated. They may be presenting us with both great obstacles and unique opportunities… if only we can recognize them, have the strength to persevere and to create a new map forward. Yes, the territory is still unknown. Over the many years behind us, we’ve built an enriching base from where the journey begins.
Sincerely, Pablo
May 11, 2020 at 3:04 pm |
i love the optimism, cautious though it is!
May 12, 2020 at 12:46 am |
Dear Dad, Hoot, Aaltoe, and Pablo,
I agree that this pandemic has brought at least me into a situation in which I am defined as caretaker, and I no longer have my out of house roles as friend, or co-worker, or anonymous person having coffee, or observer of art, or reader in a bookstore, and so many others. I am not sure exactly what effect it’s having yet although I can tell you I feel restrained, and depressed, and alone. Some days are better than others. It has also allowed me to get in touch with what I usually ignore which is good, though hard. I am in process. I think there will be a good outcome.